Yearning for Eagerness in Vrindavan

(Sri Sri Krishna Balaram)

November 01, 2008

The train chugged its way into the railway station. It was 0650. For those present outside the train on the railway station platform, this was not the most awaited moment of the century. For many who were inside the train, this was a long awaited moment, at least for those who considered the wait from the start of their train journey to its end a long wait. And for others like me, this was one of the most special moments in our lives. Around five thousand years ago, the Supreme Lord Sri Krishna chose to appear on this earth to relieve it off the burden of evil. And this was the place he chose to appear. Mathura.

It was my first visit to Mathura. As soon as I alighted from the train, I fell flat like a stick to offer my respects. I like to do this. I like to forget all concerns for petty things like keeping my clothes spotlessly clean when it comes to following my heart. While this is not always possible in the “civilized” society, who can blame me if I do this as an offering to the Lord, especially in His holy dham, especially when I have arrived there just to do that – to offer my heart to Krishna in the hope that He will steal it away and never return it back.

It’s difficult to describe what I was feeling, simply because I was myself not sure. Instead of theorizing what I should be feeling, I just decided to soak it all in. On the alert, I tried to devour by my eyes and ears as much as possible. The sun had just arisen on the horizon and was greeting us a warm welcome from across the vast fields. Men wearing saffron robes – sadhus – were very much part of the scene. On seeing them, I tightened my mental muscles and reminded myself not to offend, even mentally, the residents of the dham. They are all, sadhus or not, very dear to Krishna, and Krishna has granted them special residence in his own special home – Mathura.

But Mathura was not my final destination. Along with a few other devotees who had travelled in the same train, we sat in a sawari-rikshaw (in principle, a cab) and proceeded to the most holy place in the universe – Sri Vrindavan Dham. We rattled along through the city of Mathura. We passed by Krishna Janma Bhumi (birth place of Sri Krishna), which shares a common wall with a big mosque. I saw hoardings all over the place advertizing discourses on the Srimad Bhagavatam. I saw cows accepting eatables (most probably it was Krishna Prasad) at the doorsteps of small houses lining narrow streets. Everything reminded me of Krishna.

After a 15Km trip, we reached Sri Dham Vrindavan. The rikshaw stopped. I asked the devotees whether we are supposed to get down here. As soon as I got down, I offered my heartfelt dandavats to the Holy Dham and made sure I don’t brush off the dust from my clothes when I stood up. To be smeared by the dust of Sri Vrindavan Dham is a sure-shot way to attaining the most cherished spiritual goal - of unalloyed love for Krishna. At the beginning of each day of my trip, my kurta started off pristine white and at the end of the day the front was more or less brown. All day I was just looking for opportunities to fall flat on the ground in supplication.

(A view of Sri Sri Krishna Balaram Mandir)

After getting up, I looked around trying to figure out exactly where I was. Bewildered, I asked a devotee and he replied “Krishna Balaram Mandir”. What? Where? My eyes frantically darted around trying to find the temple. About 25-30 yards ahead, on the left of the road, stood the beautiful Krishna Balaram Temple, also known as the “Angrezon Ka Mandir” (Foreigners’ Temple) in and around Vrindavan. Srila Prabhupada’s western disciples created quite a stir when they first came to Vrindavan with Prabhupada. Foreigners were not supposed to know the Supreme Personality of Godhead Sri Krishna. He was exclusively the property of India, and even more exclusively, of Vrindavan. Well, all that changed when Krishna’s pure devotee Srila Prabhupada, on the order of his Gurudev, Srila Bhakti Siddhant Saraswati (another pure devotee), gave Krishna to the whole world in accordance with the desire of Sri Krishna Chaitanya Mahaprabhu who is none other than Sri Krishna.

(The courtyard)

As I entered the front gate, I crossed the Samadhi of Srila Prabhupada and offered dandavats. As I moved forward, I came to a big gate. On one side of it a doorman was pulling on a big rope to ring a big bell somewhere above. I asked him if I could ring it too. No, is what he replied, in such a tone that all further communication was impossible. As soon as I entered the gate, something happened. I just couldn’t keep ambling anymore. Something (someone?) within me impelled me to run. I ran. Down the steps, onto the courtyard, across the courtyard, up the steps, into the main temple room. There I was, my heart throbbing in anticipation, eyes searching for that sight, of Sri Sri Krishna Balaram! There I beheld, one at a time, Sri Sri Krishna Balaram, Sri Sri Gaur Nitai, and Sri Sri Radha Shyamsunder. I offered dandavats and prayers before each of them. I was so happy, and my trip was already a success. I had just tasted a drop of Krishna Prem.

(Sri Sri Radha Shyamsunder)

Ever since, time and again, I remember those lovely moments. How I had run for taking darshan of Their Lordships. How eager was I to just behold them. My heart yearns for the time when my whole existence will be made up of only such moments - of intense eagerness for Sri Sri Radha Shyamsunder.