Hare Krishna!
Yesterday was Gaur Pournima, the appearance day of The Supreme Personality of Godhead, Lord Sri Gauranga!
I reached the Sri Sri Radha Kunjabihari Temple at 1030. Way too late. I should have reached by 0430. I had decided to do that. I had also decided to chant a lot of rounds on this most auspicious day. But, I chanted only 16.. Why? Actually, this last Janmashtami I had indeed chanted 65 rounds! How then, that same me, could not repeat it yesterday?
Honestly, I know the answer. I had this very strong realisation yesterday that it was only due to my becoming complacent and proud that I could not do what I did on Janmashtami. I became complacent because I thought "Oh, I have done it once, I can do it again, big deal!" And I became proud that "See, I am such a nice devotee, I can chant more rounds than others!". And it is these "anarthas" that Lord chaitanya just doesn't like. I could feel very strongly that because my mood was not of love and surrender, I could not do what I did the last time. I realised that it is only due to the mercy of Prabhupada and Krishna that I can do any spiritual activity. And that mercy only comes when I am humble, prideless, and very serious.
So, my Gaur Pournima day started with this very strong lesson.
I plead the Vaishnavas to kindly bless me that all these anarthas get quickly washed away from my heart.
Your insignificant servant, Abhijit.
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